His Bella
by JessRosser
Summary: Prequel to Crescent Moon/What i think Bella should of been like. Aftermath of Edward's departure. Starting in Bella's bedroom after shes found in the forest. One shot


_Oh,you can hear me cry_

_See my dreams all die_

_From where you're standing_

_On your own._

_It's so quiet here_

_And I feel so cold_

_This house no longer_

_Feels like home._

_Oh,when you told me you'd leave_

_I felt like I couldn't breath_

_My aching body fell to the floor_

_Ben Cocks- So cold_

No. NO.

My body was in a state of utter denial.

My love. My best friend. My family.

They were gone.

Can't. No. Can't be true.

They wouldn't do this.

They never loved you. They accepted you because Edward wanted you.

Edward didn't want me.

They dont want you now.

I took in the barely recognized room that was mine.

Who? How?

Where was the forest floor.

The mudd, the rain, the moss.

They must have found you.

Who?

Your father. You know he'd look for you. He still loves you.

I want him to want me. I want the Cullens to want me.

They left me behind...

I have to make sure there gone.

I have to see for myself.

I stood up, my bones ached, I was cold, shaking.

I dont care.

Let me die.

If he isnt here...why should I be? If he dosent want me...I have no purpose.

I pulled on a think hoodie to stop the shakes.

I snuck down stairs, it was still dark outside, my father would be asleep.

I bolted out the door and into my truck.

I needed to see.

My body was aching.

My vision blurry.

Some how as if on autopilot I made it to my home.

Tugging at my heart-strings the beautiful Victorian house stood in all its 3 story glory.

I ran from the truck leaving it on and the door open in the process.

Up the familiar stairs and to the door.

My hand found the doorknob, cold.

Icy cold.

I opened it.

It wasnt locked.

Good sign?

With hope in my heart I opened it roughly.

The entrance way and all it's furniture was covered in white sheets.

I floated like an out-of-body experience to the living room.

White sheets over everything.

Panic.

I screamed.

I screamed each of their names until my lungs heart.

Until I couldnt breath and I was on the floor again.

Gone.

My family...

The numbness in my chest disappeared.

The flood gates of an endless pain struck me hard in the chest.

As if a vampire had punched a whole through my chest and left me to suffer.

Well, several did.

_You caused my heart to bleed and_

_You still owe me a reason_

_I can't figure out why..._

_Why I'm alone and freezing_

I had to be found again.

This time it was my father that actually did the finding.

He knew he'd find me here.

I was staring out my window in my room now.

I dont know exactly how long it had been since he brought me back here.

I havent been to school, Angela brought me my homework.

I did it on autopilot.

I didnt smile.

I didnt say thank you.

I didnt sleep.

When I did nightmares would plague me.

I talked mostly to my thoughts.

I was trying to find a reason.

A reason why my angel would lie so much to me.

Why my topaz eyed angel?

How?

Why did you have to take them with you?

Why couldnt you just end it like a man if that was your real reason?

I had to go back to school today.

I was staring in my reflection in the mirror on the dresser.

I looked like death.

No. You look like one of them. With out the pretty eyes.

Long brown hair.

He calls it mahogany.

I've always hated my hair.

Before this town I did everything with it.

Cut, dye, cut short, cut weird, dye weirder.

My mother had told me she wanted my hair back to the normal for a while.

I did it just for her.

I planned on changing it once I got here.

But he loved it so much. Running his long fingers through it. Absently playing with strands.

Hatred engulfed me.

I hate it.

The scissors found my hand, I didnt find them.

I started cutting and I couldn't stop.

Gone.

It was short and boy like.

Sticking up in different directions.

The girl in the mirror smiled.

More of a sneer than a smile.

Lets see what they think of you know. The girl he abandoned. The girl who went crazy.

_I'll show them crazy._

I didnt talk to anyone at school.

I sat at the Cullens table and stared out the window.

Wishing for lunch to be over.

I payed rapt attention to biology just to try to not remember who was my partner.

I couldn't stand the stares.

I wore a hood up most of the time until the teachers told me differently.

Got more stares.

Didnt care.

Didnt feel anything but the scorching pain in my chest.

My grades improved.

No distractions can do that to someone.

When I was home I made dinner for Charlie.

Ate little.

Watched tv with him if I didnt have homework.

Mainly, I watched.

I watched from my window.

"_'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever_

_But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

_How do you feel? That is the question_

_But I forget you don't expect an easy answer_

_When something like a soul becomes initialized_

_And folded up like paper dolls and little notes_

_You can't expect a bit of folks"_

STONE SOUR - THROUGH GLASS

Time went on, when the threat of leaving this place, the place the Cullen were welcome came from my father.

I panicked.

Nothing good comes from panic.

But this time I did.

I gave my self a reason.

With this spark of life in me, I started to see how absurd I was being.

Letting someone ruin my image of my self so much.

I was distorted.

In all that was his beauty, I got lost.

In his eyes I was lost. No longer myself.

I couldnt lose myself.

I wanted me back.

I wanted to have my family believe in me again.

So this is how I changed.

How I gave them hope.

Only because a small hope flickered, that if I stayed here, they might come back.

_How sick is that? _

Bella died in the forest floor.

_His Bella _died three days after her 18th birthday.

_Does it make you feel alive, _

_I had to die to finally let you go_

_Stop me,_

_I find myself believing_

_Oh the story gets rewritten so, blasphemy is permitted once again_

_Oh and you were_

_So perfectly imperfect._

_Oh I never tell you what to do when all you have are lies_

_Stonesour- Imperfect_


End file.
